I love my life. There is not a single person on the entire planet that I would trade places with. To be honest, however, things have not always been the way they are now. In fact, there was a period of time when I had completely lost all hope and had no desire to even go on living.
I have often heard that a suicide attempt is considered to be a cry for help. That may be true in most cases but it went far beyond that for me. My life had been so devastated that I simply could not imagine another truly happy moment. I hurt so bad emotionally that I felt physical pain almost continually. I could not sleep and even lost the desire to eat or enjoy the things that I had always been able to find a degree of comfort in before. I came to the point that I just wanted to go to sleep, forever. Death seemed to be the only door to escaping my grief and fear.
Over a period of days I came up with a plan. I decided to quietly end my life with an overdose of barbiturates. I acquired a bottle of pills and decided to put myself in a position where no one would be able to help me. I was no longer interested in fixing my problems. I was tired and I thought that death would give me the rest that seemed so unattainable in the midst of the turmoil and pain that I continually lived in.
The moment arrived that I decided to die and I began to swallow the pills. I have often thought that if I had chosen to use a gun instead of pills I would not be here today to write this letter. I say that because the choice had been made and I was already in the act of taking my own life.
Suddenly, things took a drastic and completely unexpected turn. A voice resounded inside me as clear as a bell. It simply stated, “Hell is real”. As these words struck my consciousness, I quickly decided to hang on. I was alive but the problems and pain did not soon go away. The path before me was not a quick fix for my earthly troubles. It was, however, perfect and profound. I began a journey along a road that continues to grow brighter and brighter as the years go by.
I am going to tell you about this journey but first I want to give you a promise. This promise is so powerful and so completely true that nothing could ever change my mind about it. It is so all encompassing that I do not have to have met you face to face to give it to you. I give you this promise with absolute sincerity and complete assurance. My promise to you is simply this. You are not on the planet by accident. You were born for a reason. You were created with a purpose and a destiny. You have a place and you are both wanted and needed.
The pain you are feeling is real but you must open your eyes and see that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You need an answer that is absolute and unfailing. I am not speaking about a program, a treatment or even a religion. I am talking about an actual relationship with the very real and living Son of God. His name is Jesus. He is not a fairy tale. He is not a myth. And He is not just a good man who lived and died. He is actually just who He said He was. The Son of God who suffered and died to pay the penalty for all we have done wrong. He is also the Savior who defeated death and freely offers life to those who are willing to come and follow Him. He will never fail you, never leave you and never forsake you.
He is not angry or vindictive but rather loving, patient and kind. So patient and kind that He is reaching out to you again, even as you read these words. What a wonderful day this is to surrender your broken life to the Great Redeemer. He created you in love with a purpose and a destiny. He is very much willing and able to meet you right where you are. He is the Good Shepherd who knows how to guide us in the way that leads to life and peace. A welcome promise to those of us who have personally known devastation and disappointment.
One of the great promises God makes to those who give their hearts to Him is that, “He will never leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6). If you know the pain of being left, forsaken, betrayed or abandoned then it is time to trust the One who will never turn away from you.
You may be saying that you’ve heard this all before. If so, I pray that the grace that lead you to read this will open the eyes of your heart to a clear and eager understanding of the gift that is set before you. That gift is a real relationship with a real person who loves you so much He was literally willing to die for you while you still wanted nothing to do with Him. Since He loved you that much when you hardly even gave Him a thought don’t you think He will joyfully accept you now that you are turning toward Him? He is neither mad nor indifferent to you, He has been anxiously waiting for you!
It doesn’t matter how badly you have messed up. It doesn’t matter how badly the one or ones you depended on have messed up. God knows right where you are and everything that you are going through. He knows how badly you are hurting and wants to give you comfort and hope. His desire is to hold you in His arms and love you with an unchanging and everlasting love.
His invitation is simply this. Ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life. Acknowledge that He is the Son of God who suffered and died for your sins and believe in your heart that God then raised Him from the dead. Then be willing to leave your old broken and sinful life behind and follow Him the rest of your days on the earth. In exchange He offers complete forgiveness and acceptance. He will begin a relationship with you that will lead you into peace, security and purpose as well as the promise of eternal life with Him in Paradise.
So don’t give up! God not only cares about the pain and desperation you are feeling but He also has a perfect plan to bring you out of this dark time. As with me, this could be the doorway to the very best years of your life.
It may be wise to find someone to share your feelings with. A Christian counselor or a pastor may be a good choice but let someone with some solid Christian experience help you. It is important to have people there to encourage you.
There is a scripture that says, “Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning”. It may seem very dark for the moment but this night will pass. The very best of times are still out there waiting for you!
Marty Breeze
